It's been a while since I've done a blog like this but time to start again. It's been 4 years and my life as a mother has been a roller coaster. It's been good and bad. I vas now two little children ages 3 and 1 years old. They are my and my husbands world and he has been there for me through the hard part.

You never expect when your find our that your pregnant that you will lose a baby before they are even here.a few weeks into my second pregnancy I had a miscarriage the worst thing in my life with an almost 1 year old. I cried for days and the sight of my daughter would just bring me to tears. Nothing sooth the ache I feel not even now. It hurts to know my children will child never know there baby brother or sister. But even in the middle of a lost like that there was some good. I found out I was still pregnant and it wasn't a new pregnancy. The doctor had come to the conclusion I must has been carrying to different eggs, and when asked if I felt not pregnant I kept saying no. I always felt something wasn't right. I went back a month later after taking another home pregnancy year and found out about my son. Through him he helped me move on in some ways. Part me likes to think he has a little someone with him or he knows his brother or sister before I will ever know him or her. When I look at him at times I want to cry and some times I really do cry from the fact I know he will never know this great person or they would be the same age.

I'm still hurt as you can see bit it doesn't hurt as much as it use too.

Such a nice day

Today was my husbands day off so me, my husband and Maddy spent the day hanging out together. I was up at 8am for a feeding with Maddy then watched some tv while she slept as well as her daddy. He woke himself up at 1pm when I tired to lay back down and sleep for a little bit but that didn't work. We got up got dressed for the day did the normal walk the dog change the baby. Then we went to the post office to return some mail that isn't ours then from their we went to Maddy's great grandparents house (Mamaw, and Papaws house) to do some laundry. After doing some laundry we drove down to the pet store just to walk around and look at the animals that they had their. Which we like doing from time to time when my husband has off of work. We did this before Maddy was born as well.Once we where done their we headed over to the mall to walk around for a little bit as well then head home for the night.

For dinner we made home made burgers to eat so we didn't have to eat out or buy something. So in all its been a good day for all three of us. Maddy slept for most of the day in her car seat but she also slept in her bassinet for most of this morning as well as for tonight.

Sunday and Monday

I didn't have time yesterday to write on here cause Maddy didn't want mommy to put her down while she was a wake or a sleep. On Saturday night when my husband got home he told me what happened at work and he was really upset about it. His boss told him that they still want to move him up as a manger and then told him that he was almost fired if it wasn't for one of the other mangers on that night. So he is speeding up his search for a new or better job. We are still waiting to hear about this TSA job but its got pushed back for another 6 months because of some in correct paper work.

With Maddy the other night she was throwing a crying fit even though she was really tired. So it took us 3 hours before we got her to go back to sleep. She was going through one of those phases where she wanted to see everything since she is getting older and wanting to stay up longer now. We did everything in the book to clam her back down to sleep. We even took her on a car ride which finally got her to go back to bed. So all day today she spent her time sleeping since she was up really late last night. So for the most part this Monday has been very quite and slow.

We went to the mall after my husband got off of work got a little snack their Maddy slept through the trip to the mall and walmart. I had to wake her up to change her and feed her. We had left overs for dinner so I didn't have to cook. I did my normal online site as well today after I woke up around 1pm. We are thinking about going back out to get me some snacks for me getting up in the middle of the night to feed the little girl.

Since Maddy is holding her head up and trying to scoot. She isn't holding it up to the point where she doesn't need to rest but it better then what it was 4 weeks ago. So I think she will be an early crawler the way she is going right now.

I'm so proud of my little baby girl. She is starting to be able to hold her little head up. She is still a little bobble head as we put it in our house. Her little dirty blond hair is starting to get wave in some spots just like my hair. So far today has been a good day for all of us.

Let me first start with what happened last night when my husband got home from work. He brought me home some Wendy's for dinner last night which was very nice of him. Then once he got home he spend some time with Maddy which he does every day since he is at work for the most part either in the day time or in the night time. He created this very funny Rap song that he was singing with Maddy. It made me laugh and smile to see how these two interact with each other some times. We do all kind of funny things when we are all together in the same room. Maddy seems to like it when we act a bit a crazy and funny. She some times will try to smile or looks like she is trying to laugh but can't just yet.

Now for today Maddy's daddy got up a little bit early before he went to work and spend some time with her because he is working late tonight and he probably won't want to spend to much time with her tonight like he did last night. So the rest of today its going to be me, Maddy, and the dog as long as he behaviors since he has been a bad boy he doesn't get everything he wants. She looks so cute today in her little white and pink dotted ones. With a little teddy bear on her bottom.

1 month old

Today Maddy is now 1 month old, yay! I'm so tired of only living off of about 3 to 4 hours sleep that I'm begging Maddy to stay a sleep in her bassinet. But of course her not being about to understand what her mommy is saying she keeps crying for me to take her out and let her sleep with me in my bed with my husband. Of course I have to or else neither of will get any sleep. I'm at the point tonight of crying as I lean over her bassinet so she knows that I'm here.

I don't know how I"m going to make it through the day with out sleeping off and on all day in my bed with her while my husband is gone all day at work till about 9pm tonight. I hated when they give him a double cause I can't even get a nap alone in my own bed with out a little person sleeping next to me. Then I'm not even really sleeping cause I have to make sure I don't roll over on her any thing.

Well I have to go she is crying again I just have to give in. 

Early Morning Feeding

Wow its not going on 7am and I've been up for at least 1 hour now feeding and trying to get baby Maddy back to bed for a few more hours. She wants to be stubborn and not sleep in her bed right now. So I've put her in her bed with me sitting right next to it as she drinks some food and soothes herself back to bed. What ever makes her happy right now mommy certainly doesn't care. I have to get her to learn that my bed is for me and her daddy and her bed is her bed and she isn't coming out till morning. I mean the only other time she is coming out of it over night is for feedings as well as diaper changes. I think I might do what one of the moms on mylot said she did and that was to let her kids sleep as long as they wanted in the night time and wake her kids up every 3 to 4 hours in the day time. I don't know if that will work or not but I do need to try to keep her a wake in the day time to learn that day time is wake time and night time is sleeping time. All babies are like this at first till they get older and learn.

I so needed a mommy break last night when my husband got home from work. I spend hours hungry and not being able to eat because of little Maddy not letting mommy out of her sight long enough for me to heat up something and to eat it. So we want at like 1am to Steak and Shake came home at about 2am. Since Maddy was already a sleep and we didn't want to wake her we left her in her car seat. That is where she slept till about 6am. I don't know if she is starting to go to sleep yet or is just looking at something as she lays in her bassinet but I know she is being pretty quite with a few little sounds here and there from here. I can see out of the corner of my eyes her kicking her little legs to shake the bassinet.

If you have every looked at a tired baby you can see it in their eyes that they so want to go to sleep but they feel that they will miss out on the world. That is the look  right now that my baby has in her eyes. That is probably the same look that I had early this morning before i went to bed. I know today I will so need a nap if I can get on in. I know my husband is sound a sleep and only heard her cry one time while I was making her a bottle. We have plans to go out today with the baby by taking her out for lunch and getting stuff that we need for her because we are running out of it. Like diapers and clean clothes so its laundry day in our house which is twice a week when my husband is off of work.

Out grow my preemie clothes

Today I got up with Maddy at 6am for a feeding and had trouble getting to go back to sleep in her bassinet which happens from time to times depending on her mood. I stayed up till 2am last night watching tv and getting some quite mommy time before Maddy got up for her next feeding. I watched and episode of Teen Mom 2. Maddy was up for her next feeding at 10pm so I tried to watch Steve while feeding her but shortly after 10:15 we both fell back to sleep in our bed. I kept waking up to try to put the little one back in her bassinet but she would wake up and start crying. I did try to get her to stay in their before giving up and letting her cuddle with me till she fell back to sleep.

At 12pm I got up out of bed took Maddy to the living room turn the tv on and started going through my emails as I let Maddy try to fall back to sleep. Around 2pm after her being up for a while she went back to bed. Her daddy got up and wanted us to take her to work so he could pick up his pay check and get something quick to eat for lunch. At first I told him no because of Maddy being a sleep and just getting her sleep. I didn't want to move her and wake her up because some times she is a light sleeper when she first goes to sleep. But of course as soon as I put her in her bassinet she woke up so we I put some clean clothes for the both of us and placed her in her car seat to for a little car ride. Every one at Cane's loved seeing baby Maddy for the first time. Then we went and put the money in the bank got some lunch. After lunch was over I took a quick little nap before my husband went to work for the day.

Now Maddy is sleeping and I'm spending some time to myself before she wakes up. I already took the dog out before I took a nap. I did all the bottles and tomorrow I'm cleaning the floor since my husband will be home to keep Maddy entertained. Need to go shopping for diapers and more baby water for the bottles. For the rest of the night its just me, Maddy, and Max till my husband gets off of work at 11:30pm. I took one really good picture of Maddy today in a nice new outfit that her mommy's cousin bought for her since she is their second second cousin.